Yeah, this is me to a T

I’m not expecting much, but hey why not join in http://www.formspring.me/TWilliams30

Well, over on Facebook this seems to have caught on quite a lot, and I’ve decided to join in, so this post will be my list  of songs for the 30 Day Song Challenge, with brief reasoning for each of them, partially just so I can waste time thinking of these now and not scratch my head later on. So apologies for the large post taking up space on your dashboard, that I keep adding to everytime that I apologise for it. Sorry about that, and on a side note, I may start paying more attention to Tumblr again after leaving it to rot for perhaps a little too long.

day 01 - your favorite song - BFMV - Hand of Blood (Far too many to choose from, so this is the first metal song I ever heard or liked)

day 02 - your least favorite song - Rebecca Black - Friday (The horribly viral new single that everyone seems to have heard)

day 03 - a song that makes you happy - Deaf Havana - Friends Like These (Awesomely upbeat especially when paired with the video)

day 04 - a song that makes you sad - Mayday Parade - I’ll Be the Wings That Keep Your Heart in the Clouds (Calm, quiet and just generally sad sounding)

day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone - Escape the Fate - Ashley

day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere - A Skylit Drive - Eris and Dysnomia (Of the rather lonely time on my last holiday to Ibiza this album was my one thing to cling me to sanity)                                                           

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event - Daft Punk - Derezzed (For the awesome two weeks with my friends that was seeing Tron: Legacy and then New Years Eve)

day 08 - a song that you know all the words to - Elliot Minor - Tethered (Also my entire music library, but hey I wanted a plug for these guys)

day 09 - a song that you can dance to - Miran Himemaya - Cherry Heart (With a mainly metal music library, Jpop from my favourite anime seems to fit the bill)

day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep - Emiko Shiratori - Melodies of Life (Final Fantasy 9, although all of the 9 soundtrack helps me to relax and sleep, so major props to Nobuo Uematsu)

day 11 - a song from your favorite band - A Day to Remember - All I Want (Current favourite, until i listen to anything else, but just love this song)

day 12 - a song from a band you hate - Deftones - Minerva (Even from the first time I heard this band I’ve despised them, and this haunted Kerrang tv for too long)

day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure - Cascada - Everytime We Touch (Well, what can I say, I like it)            

day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love - Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone (Maybe not so unexpected, as I think most people do)

day 15 - a song that describes you - Avril Lavigne - Complicated (Seems to be rather fitting of how I and a few other people have described me)

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate - Green Day - Know Your Enemy (Not much explaining here, it just irritates me now)

day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio - Biffy Clyro - Many of Horror (I never listen to the radio other than the rare car journey with my parents, so the last song i heard and like on one)

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio - Muse - MK Ultra (Its just good :P)

day 19 - a song from your favorite album - BFMV - The Poison / A Skylit Drive - I’m not a Thief, I’m a Treasure Hunter (Oh man, this is so hard I need a tie for victory. Both albums feature not a single song that comes anywhere less than totally love)

day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry - Bring Me the Horizon - Chelsea Smile (Its screamo, its angry, it fits)

day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy - My Chemical Romance - Planetary(GO!) (The suprisingly more upbeat new MCR, still as good as before)

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad - Coldplay - Fix You (Such a nice, slow song)

day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding - Goo Goo Dolls - Iris (Generally can just be described as ‘lovely’, though my personal favourite is the New Found GLory cover, but that isn’t as appropriate for weddings)

day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral - Guns ‘n Roses - November Rain (Explains itself I think)

day 25 - a song that makes you laugh - Tim Minchin - Storm/Mitsubishi Colt (The man is a comedy genius, and most of his material goes in the category, but the two beatpoems stand out in my mind for some reason. The more stand up than song ‘Skepticism and Feet’ would have won if it was actually a song, Tim the Athiest ftw)

day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument - The Fray - How to Save a Life (Could, for a period, marginally well, and no longer)

day 27 - a song that you wish you could play - Eric Johnson - Cliffs of Dover (I like it, its a guitar instrumental and I just wish I could play my guitar)

day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty - Binge on Celery - One of those song names I have now forgotten (I may have overexaggerated how much I liked it as support for Ben and to justify having paid £2.50 for it. Sorry Ben!)

day 29 - a song from your childhood - Robbie Williams - Angels (I thought so hard, and it was this or one of the Beddingfield siblings in this spot)

day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year - A Skylit Drive - Wires… And The Concept of Breathing (Entire Album, I honestly can’t pick a single song as the favourite, its the whole thing)

Summary, I have far too many bands to pick for the favourite categories, and far too much of my music library doesn’t get listened to anywhere near as much as it should. Need to get that seen to in the near future.

Ahh writer’s block, my friend, you are back already, this calls for a toast! Unfortunatelythis happy return has prevented me from adding to this blog over the past few days which saddens me in a way, for my favourite form of procrastination has been sealed off. Nevertheless I return with a vengeance, and yet still possess nothing on which to base my post. I write this after not long leaving my critical thinking exam, where I both spent 2 full lines attempting to spell the word ‘origin’ and also learnt that only one other person I talk to will be continuing the subject this year. While this perhaps finally allows me a chance to really dig deep into a subject, it also leaves me worried, for the lessons this year have been largely based on ‘group discussion’, rather than much actual thought into the subject, and with everyone else gone it leaves me in an interesting position.

This also seems like the perfect point to stop mid-thought and fly off on a tangent, so sorry for that dear readers. Why you’re even still here is probably its own topic, as despite both of my readers (whom I know of anyway) complimenting me on both the content and writing style of the blog, I cannot help but disagree. Everything that I create I seem cursed to forever believe inferior to what others may. Afterall, no matter how high you climb up the ladder of life there is always someone else who will excel more than you in some way or another. And I’m not prepared to budge on this position until I see the worlds happiest, wealthiest man who is simultaneously the worlds greatest sportsman for all sports and can down a pint the fastest. Get training Mr Gates…

I am also becoming increasinly aware of just how unproductive many of my days have become, well, have been for a while now. This is exascerbated by being at home all day with no real inscentive to leave bed to do anything productive at all, let alone go to school. Music seems to make up the bulk of my time, and to this end I again tried to make some kind of progress with my guitar yesterday. However, like many things I am in need of a push to get the ball rolling, and perhaps should search out someone to teach me. In the past a few friends have offered, but it has either not materialised or I have simply been too scared, too afraid that to teach me would be a waste of time, that I could simply never pick it up, thereby frustrating the friend who is trying their best to help.

This permeates to many levels of my social interactions it seems, as this feeling of uselessness, twinned with the feeling that no one wants me to be there, means I cannot do something as basic as asking someone else a question. One answer regarding why this may be is my apparant lack of independance. Despite often wishing to be alone, to spend large amounts of my time purely sitting with myself, my thoughts and my music, I am still human, still a social creature, and there is much I cannot do alone. I often yearn for attention, then curse myself and hide once I have obtained  it, a confusing muddle indeed.

And now it seems my will to write has somewhat faded, marred by the constant pauses to sing along with A Skylit Drive. Not that I can actually sing very well at all, but its a nice calming, well, in a manner of speaking, thing to do for me. As if perfectly timed, the song has beat me to closure, ‘lets say our goodbyes’, so ta ra readers, see you next time.

Well this has been yet another unproductive day, I should really see to stopping that soon…aanywho, today seems to have been rather sadly characterised by poor time wasting. (Then again what day isn’t..) However today it seems to have been sadder than most, with a mix of revision and a replay of Final Fantasy 6 that I emulated onto my laptop. Oh, and listening to A Skylit Drive, simply because their first sizable album is pretty much all Final Fantasy references (insert geeky smiley face here please blog-god), jesus I need to get a life some time. Or at least some motivation to stay in school, which I today discovered is extremely hard to do when I’m not obliged to be there.

See, the problem is that while my mind is actively telling me theres certain things that I need to get done, and as soon as possible, the other half of my mind appears to act as the devil upon my shoulder, telling me that everything will be fine, after all, what is one day’s break anyway? The problem arises when this carries through every single day and suddenly I have no time left to act on anything. This seems to be a horrible flaw in my character, as even when I both need and want to do something it seems near impossible to concentrate unless someone is there telling me to do it. Much like pushing a boulder, the hardest part of the task is starting from rest, once speed exists it becomes so much easier to carry on. Thus, I tend to think of my motivation akin to a weakened man, he cannot push the boulder alone but instead requires the help of others to get it moving. Then begins problem number two, that half the time friends are there I get so utterly distracted from doing anything but talking that my productivity drops to below nothing, even if they manage to accomplish pages of work. So that rules out friends, my my isn’t this going well..

What is it about some one’s mind that renders them unable to work when bored, even worse off when enjoying themselves, and in a situation that a happy medium almost never exists? As horribly annoying as subjects like psychology and philosophy seem to me, I think that studying them of my own accord would be something I would greatly wish to do in the future, as well as perhaps read a few more pieces of classical literature, as my recent reading of Dante’s Divine Comedy showed me just how thought provoking and deep some works can be.

Going off on my usual tangents once again, i really have to recommend people to listen to the Wires…And The Concept of Breathing album by A Skylit Drive, which is an outstanding album on its own, made even better if you have played Final Fantasys V through X, while remembering the plots, as it gives almost every song a special significance. Anyone that can spot at least 6 influences without google gets a cookie. Since this post seems to be revealing rather a lot of my geeky side already this seems like a good time to go mostly open on it, the consequences of which I cannot fathom, although it may make me pray for a delete button if there is not one.

Step one, podcasts, they make up a huge amount of my ipod time while at home and while at work delivering leaflets, and help me drift off to sleep every night, so they play a fairly large role in my life.

Starting off with Rhod Gilbert’s Radio Wales podcast, is nice and simple, comedy cut from a radio show and a normal sort of podcast.

At this point it diverts rather a lot into the geeky side of things, with my other main podcast being the RPGcast, possibly one of the funniest yet informative things I’ve ever listened to.

Film Sack is next in line, hosted by internet god Scott Johnson. It provides a review of a different film every week, done in the most in-depth, funniest ways possible.

Finally, and possibly worst of them all, is The Instance, also hosted by Scott Johnson, which is also known as the most popular WoW podcast out there, yes you heard me right. I’ve never once touched the game and never will, but the combination of Scott and Randy still make this an absolute must listen every single week for me. Pretty much the best thing I’ve ever Indeed, I probably shouldn’t get nearly as much as the stuff on the show as I should, e.g. practically all of it, but that I can thank to my read through of almost the entire WoWwiki page last year, it killed a lot of time while entertaining me so really I can’t complain to be honest.

I also have to say that this is exactly the kind of thing I always seem to be into, reading, listening and learning about something that is of absolutely not use to me in any way, as long as it interests me. I could detail almost any of the lore from the entire Warcraft franchise, lore details from many other games that I’ve spent a day or two reading the wiki of, or played, and I could retell the stories of almost every Final Fantasy from heart, and spend a good five or six hours or so covering each in detail, and enjoying myself greatly doing it. But honestly, who does this benefit? I’ve never done such a thing to anyone, hence perhaps my openness to speak as much as I wish to speak on topics I never dare mention, as silence and non-response cannot be damning, or judgemental, and I rather like it that way, rock on tumblr, even if it does seem to rather be dieing from the length of this post…

That ends todays blogcast, this is Tom, signing out.

In a break from my previous posts I’ll keep this one short and sweet. BBC iPlayer only has doctor who in HD? My useless internet doesn’t support this, damn them all..

Ahh tumblr, my own little outlet when I feel like I’m moaning too much to other people. Sometimes I feel as though it’s the only type of conversation I possess, a fact that worries me rather a lot. Revision, boredom, tiredness, weather, work…nothing I tend to say ever seems positive. Even this post seems to have already begun on a very negative, moaning point.

It’s perhaps because of this that I always want to back out of any conversation I get into, as immediately after making a point it seems as though I’ve either bored the other person senseless or it has been something the other person really doesn’t want to talk about. This sometimes then leaves me feeling horrible about myself for being useless socially, which drags my conversational ability down even further. I also feel like I get ignored a lot for this reason, and often find myself standing in the middle of a room, talking to no one and just sort of…looking around. This is something that should surely be hated as a situation, yet sometimes it’s surprisingly calming to be like this. Odd really, though no surprise to those that know me.

On to a rant now, and it’s about the incredible writer’s block I had doing this post, which has currently been in development for over 6 hours now, sitting in the background of my laptop while I think of things to write, while attempting to minimising the use of the words ‘I’ or ‘me’, as i feel a bit of a self important twat when I do so regularly, like in the above paragraphs. It turns out it’s actually an incredibly hard thing to do, as my knowledge..or maybe just interest..to talk about anything but myself and how I feel, is severely limited. Guess I am a self important twat, good times.

Criticismis an interesting concept, and something that I ever have a hard time agreeing with if it’s related to me. Not because I cannot accept negative criticism, but I can’t take any compliments about things I do. Twice already people have said positive things about my original post but I honestly cannot see where they are coming from, though the problem extends far beyond that. So far in fact I may have to talk upon the subject at a later date, though whether this is me simply avoiding a topic for which I have no words or not is up for debate.

The problem with sequels is that they’re never quite as good as the original offering. Whether this is true in the case of this blog us up to those of you reading, however personally I feel like deleting the entirety of the first half and beginning anew, for it simply doesn’t seem good enough. I’ve had some confused thoughts before but putting them into words is surely the hardest task I’ve set about in a while. My mind flicks from thought to thought, often mid-way through explaining the current one, hence the huge leaps between subjects shown above. I realise at this moment just how difficult it shall be to keep this blog a regular thing as I intend it to be, for two reasons. Firstly, there can surely be only so much to procrastinate about, and secondly, I’m not sure anyone shall be reading after more than about two more posts anyway.

The time has come once again to sign off, but I feel as though I should make mention of one last thing. Love is extremely powerful, able to bring people so close together, so close that in my own case I cannot go two days not speaking to Rach without feeling horribly depressed, yay. However this is hardly much of a negative, for love offers so much good, and I’m not sure what I’d ever do without it, or without my Rach.

I think thats me about done for now, though I’m certain I shall be back later, for this soapbox is far too attractive a position to leave alone, so once again, ta ra.

Well this certainly is new, and hardly something i expected to be doing with the time I currently have available to me. Ah well, such is the randomness of my routine, or lack thereof. I’m unsure whether this is an attempt to catch the crowd of people that seem to be signing up to this around me, or merely finally discovering an outlet that I’ve long needed..for what purpose is not yet clear, though i expect it shall be filled with meaningless drivel and waffle, much like these first few lines. To speak of so little in such a large amount of words is perhaps an unfortunate talent i posess, and one that i seem unable to turn off, much to the chagrin of my lovely girlfriend, so sorry for that Rach.

Anywho, as I had been saying, I believe I’m in need of some structure to my lifestyle, as revision is something that rarely ever seems to surface, even with my exam season starting in 3 days. Fuck.

Though what I actually fill the time i have is somewhat of a mystery even to myself, my rooms in a worse state than it has been for a while now, my facial hair is in desperate need of a shave and im frankly bored senseless…or am I? I suppose 3 straight hours of bullet for my valentine and facebook, intertwined with my random selection of programmes, radio shows and podcasts leaves me in a peculiar mind frame, somewhat relaxed, somewhat on edge, and somewhat uncaring. This leaves me wondering where boredem ever actually fits into my mindset, but whatever.

This seems like a fair point to leave my starter, which I fear is already far too long, an example of my horrible self-consciousness I will no doubt address in a post sometime soon, ta ra to those reading, which is just me I suppose, wow this is strange…